The bästa schlagern! Här kommer höjningen till slut!

Linda Bengtzing's and Markoolio's (it's the otherway on the CD single - but we had to put Linda first!) No1 Swedish chart topping hit Värsta Schlagern defines to us what a melodi is!

Värsta Schlagern has many of the following ingredients needed to make a melodi:

• Kikki's bong bongs.
• Alcastar hand claps.
• A stonking beat, with either a slow building first verse or a contrasting middle 8.
• The Abba arpeggio 'de-ding de-ding de-dings'
• A key change or two!
• The Juliet Bravo and Kim Clark factor, which we will reveal once we've managed to define them.
• AND! An ending that makes it clear the 3 minutes are up!
• (No repeat to fade nonsense).
  

The Värsta Schlagern single doesn't bother with a dodgy B-side, opting for the karaoke version instead. Adding the instrumental version and the video would just be the glitter on top of the ball!

The engelska lyric (courtesy of popjustice) is:

It starts good, almost interesting

Yeah, yeah, but perhaps a bit familiar

We’re building up for the bridge, my friend

But it’s not coming quite yet

Because we have half a verse left to do

A repetition one is used to do

We’re building up for the bridge again

And here it is, finally!

The excitement is rising for the point of the song

A really catchy chorus!

And there is love and there are winds

There are eyes and they’re sparkling

And lots of other tired old clichés

Which says everything and nothing

And there are stars and they’re on fire

There’s the world and it’s fading

And the title shall sit as a punch in the stomach

Oh what a schlager!

Now it’s getting hard to come up with

Something new to say, but whatever

This is just transport anyway

Which people will forget

Because what’s rewarded with 12 points

Is a really catchy chorus

Rpt chorus

And if you don’t want to mess up your chances of winning

You’ll steal something from ABBA and see the risk vanishing

So now everyone – hold onto your hats

Here’s the key change at last!

Rpt chorus

And if you fancy, you can singalonga Värsta Schlagern in svenska (with the aid of a microscope) from the picture of our very own single shown above!

In addition to this marvellous melodi, the video includes the following mandatory visual ingredients:

• Head turns.
• Finger pointing.
• Leg bouncing.
• Bucks fizzing (ie the reveal).
• Super troupering with big spotlights.
• And excessive use of the Stormvind Machine.

Dedicated Melodifestivalen followers will enjoy the references to great schlager drottnings like Carola, BWO, Bert, Christer och Lord Thomas.

And those of you who are not, we hope you enjoy this melodi magic!